I think that one thing that would have helped me manage my recovery better would have been for someone to see through my tough exterior. I have always thought to try my best to not be too needy. And for many years I did not share what I was going through. I wanted to share my story but felt vulnerable and uneasy about expressing myself.
I don't think it would have taken more than a little time and encouragement from another person for me to open up. I did eventually try telling my story to my doctors. They however, seemed only concerned with symptoms or issues that impaired their patients. I was seemingly managing well. At least that is how I believe I appeared to others.
In my years of dealing with and recovering from schizophrenia I have had terrible and traumatic events occur. I was able to seem "normal" to most people most of the time. I knew myself that my experiences had been far from normal. I felt less validated when people around me told me that I seemed normal. I wanted someone to reach out to me and to say that they felt my pain.
There is a great deal more to any one individual than what meets the eye. We have all had our triumphs and misery. I have seen many times that seemingly ordinary people have tremendous stories to tell. When we expect a person dealing with a major illness like schizophrenia to pull through we are telling them a lie. We are saying that needn't worry that everything will be alright. We all deserve better than that.
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